Women's Coming Out Group

The San Diego Women's Coming Out Group meets every Wednesday evening from 7:15 - 8:45 pm at The Center in Hillcrest. Our groups supports women in all stages of the self-discovery and coming out process, whether straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning their identity.

We are led by volunteer co-facilitators (non-therapists) who are "graduates" of the group.

The women's coming out group focuses on providing a safe place to explore, accept and reclaim parts of the self that have been denied or disowned. Women who identify as a Lesbian, Bisexual or questioning say it is an internal process of recognizing feelings and/or attraction towards other women. The group, which is free of charge, is not a place to meet potential dates. Rather, it's a safe and confidential place to develop supportive friendships and discuss issues involved in coming out and being out.


IS THIS GROUP RIGHT FOR ME?

It probably is if you have at least one of these concerns:

• I am not comfortable (or sure about) my sexual identity
• I don't often share feelings, experiences and information about my sexual idenity
• My life has several compartments (e.g. straight friends, gay friends, family, children, husband, work colleagues, spiritual community, secret life and feelings towards women)
• I feel very sensitive and am fearful of others rejecting me
• I feel lonely, stuck or depressed
• I fear losing my family, church and friends if I come out
• I don't have a group of gay or bisexual friends that accept and support me for being who I really am
  

WHAT IS DISCUSSED?

Over the course of several meetings, our group discusses issues like:

• Exploring internalized homophobia and how it contributes to our shame
• Coming out to yourself as the first step in the coming out process
• Understanding sexual identity, bisexuality, and transgender feelings
• Dealing with anti-gay sentiments at work
• Whether or not to come out (it's always your choice) in certain situations
• Coming out to friends and family and getting support from group members who've done it before
• Dealing with various anti-gay beliefs, and discrimination
• Losing friendships due to coming out, being discovered, homophobia and/or transphobia
• Experiencing confusion, shame, guilt and isolation
• The use and misuse of drugs and alcohol to "be cool," to enhance sex and to lower inhibitions
• What we face as being a woman and being a lesbian or bisexual in a tough political climate
• We explore our individual cultures and how they influence our choices
• Participating in other local organizations, events, socials
• Information on local clubs, hang outs, plays, social activities, sports activities, etc.

Confidentiality and safety are key to the group's success. What is said in the group stays in the group. Your personal identity is protected and does not get recorded or reported to The Center or others. To alleviate any doubts and let you discover the benefits of the group, we invite you to see the group in action without necessarily participating or speaking (participation is always voluntary). Although we're not a therapy group, you may have your own therapeutic experiences and just maybe, create more joy and happiness in your life.

WHY ATTEND?

Well, it's free and you can enjoy the benefits others have gotten, like:

• Forming new friendships via group events
• Overcoming feelings of fear, isolation, shame and hopelessness
• Learning about all aspects of being lesbian, bisexual or transgender including: organizations, events, safe sex, clubs and dating
• Discovering new resources, publications and groups for all types of support and assistance
• Feeling more happy, connected and positive
• Connecting with a support group who understands and has similar issues
• Taking steps to discover your true authentic self

The HARDEST PART of this group is taking the step to attend for the first time. In fact, many first-timers reported walking several blocks so as not to have their cars spotted. If you'd like more happiness, connection and friendships in your life, or are just not happy with the way things are, take a small risk and attend our meeting this Wednesday. It may just change your life!

QUESTIONS?

Although the group is best experienced by simply attending a meeting, if you have questions please contact Michele Tuatagaloa at (619)255-7854, ext. 104 or mtuatagaloa@thecentersd.org.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

If I come to the group, will my identity be safe? Our group has a confidentiality policy and all members agree to hold meeting participant names and what’s discussed in strict confidence. The group takes steps not to “out” anyone. Remember, coming out is a choice and we support that choice!

Am I too young to attend? Am I too old to attend? You must be 18 to attend our meetings. We currently have women ranging from 20 years told to over 70 years old in the group and people of all ages, ethnicities and sexual orientation are welcome. If you are under 18, please check The Center’s website for appropriate youth groups.

Do I have to talk at the meeting? Will I be put “on the spot?” No. Participating is always optional. You’re welcome to come to the meeting and just listen if you wish.

What if I’m not sure of my sexual identity or am bi-sexual? Our group is the perfect place for you. We support women in all stages of discovering and accepting their true identity. Currently we have several group members who identify themselves as bisexual, several who identify as being lesbian and several who are still exploring.

I can’t be there right at 7:15 pm or may need to leave early. Is that okay? Absolutely. This group is designed to support YOU and you’re welcome to drop in at any time and leave when you need to.

I’m not sure I’m ready to come out or even want to come out. Will there be pressure to do so? We support your right to choose who to come out to or whether to come out at all. What we do is provide a safe environment with other women who are working through the same issues so you can make a more informed choice and receive support along the way. We do not promote coming out to anyone but yourself.

I’ve been “out” for quite some time, but have issues with being out at work or in other settings. Is this group right for me? Yes. If you’ve got any issues either with “coming out” or “being out,” our group can provide you with support and insight. Several members have worked on issues with being out at work, being out in religious organizations, being out in the military, etc.

What is the cost? There is no cost to attend or participate in the group. At the end of each meeting, there is an envelope that is passed around for voluntary contributions towards the operating expenses of The Center who provides space to our group.

Will I be “hit on” or “picked up” at the meeting? The official policy of our group is that there is no dating or sexual relations permitted between group members. Since we’re a support group, facilitators take steps to ensure the meeting is safe for all attendees and will ask anyone violating our policy to leave the group.

Can I bring a friend to the meeting? Yes. You may bring to meetings a female friend who is supporting you, or who you are supporting, in the coming out/being out process. We’re sorry, but males are not permitted to attend our women ’s group except for special events (e.g. guest speakers).

CONTACT US

Although the group is best experienced by simply attending a meeting, if you have questions please contact Michele Tuatagaloa at (619)255-7854, ext. 104 or mtuatagaloa@thecentersd.org.